I've spoken often of the many challenges that my industry brings me. Work can be thick and fast one month and a slow trickle the next month. This is all part of the game that I am trying to play. Its tough...to go from such highs to lows all the time, it can be mentally exhausting. I genuinely believe it is this roller-coaster that sorts out the players from the fakers. You could have every attribute to make you a top model, or a respected actor, but, lack the mental strength to deal with the tumultuous ride, and you won't last long.
Dealing with these challenges is never easy, but it is something that you have to expect and anticipate if you are to succeed. Something that in not so expected, yet can quite simply put you out of work for a period of time, is an injury or an illness. Unlike you guys, if I get ill to the point of bed-ridden, theres no 'taking a couple of days off from work', there is no 'fall-back plan'. If I am ill and can't work, then my life comes to a stand still...its as simple as that. As a result, Ive often worked with colds, headaches, coughs...I did what I could to ensure my health never affected my work. As I currently write this, I am sat in my dressing room just off set, with my face in a lemsip and eating strepsils like candy! Yesterday, I was sat at home terrible, today all of that goes out the window and I endure. Sadly, there are some injuries which one is simply unable to get around. Six weeks ago, I broke my collarbone playing football. In the weeks prior to the breakage, I had been doing ecomms work left, right and centre (see last post) as well as having a number of other projects lined up and scheduled to shoot. Then I fell awkwardly in training, landing on my face and shoulder. I knew straight away that I had done something bad. The pain in my arm was excruciating! I remember standing up straight away and being unable to walk in a straight line. I slowly made my way to the side of the pitch where the local leisure centre staff met me and began taking me through their procedures. I passed out! Yep...serious amounts of pain! An ambulance was called, the first time those wailing sirens have been for me, and I was taken straight to the hospital to get checked out. I don't remember a lot about the actual incident...I think the impact of hitting the floor muddled me up a bit. What I do remember extremely clearly is also a little hard to explain. After I initially fell and made my way back to my feet and to the side of the pitch, I can remember the feeling of panic I had. Genuine panic. My heart was beating faster, my mind was working in overtime, I obviously had great pain in my face and my shoulder. I was quite inconsolable. After 5-10minutes of the staff checking my shoulder and the rest of my body out for any other damage...I was able to check for myself. This for me was the strangest moment of the whole incident. Still panicking, I reached over and felt my shoulder for the first time. Almost immediately my body calmed down. My breathing deepened, I stopped shaking...my heart no longer felt like it was trying to jump out my chest. Now, this certainly wasn't down to any good feelings I now felt, if anything it was the exact opposite. Having felt my shoulder myself; having felt the way in which my bone was resting compared with my knowledge of how a collarbone should rest in a shoulder, I knew 100% it was broken. And therein lies the source of my calmness - clarity. Up until this moment I didn't really know what was wrong, I was just in pain. Maybe it was an element of shock taking over, but as soon as I knew for certain it was broken, my mind and body relaxed. It was a strange sensation, one that I can still recall now.
So, what does a model do when they break their collarbone? the answer: not a lot! I had to cancel work that I had lined up. I wanted to try and work through the pain on a couple of projects, but being the honest person I am, I felt a responsibility to make my employers aware of my injury. Unfortunately, non-surprisingly, insurance rarely covers people who have an existing broken bone. My projects were lost and given to other people. I have literally worked one day in the last six weeks. Now, some of you may be sat there thinking, "What is this guy complaining about? 6 weeks off from work - that sounds great!" Well as so often in life, it sounds a hell of a lot better than it is. If you had six weeks off, I expect you would still be making some kind of money in that period, even if it was less than a usual monthly rate. As I said, Ive managed one day of work, which means Ive had one paying day in the last six weeks. If you had six weeks off, I would expect you to come back to a job that is ready and waiting for you. In some cases you might have even been missed! In my line of work, momentum is as important as anything else. I was on a role six weeks ago...now? Now, I find myself out of favour with clients who I was just beginning to build real relationships with. Now, I'm literally making videos of myself waving my arm around, in an attempt to show my shoulder is back to full fitness, in the hope that clients will be reassured I am up to the task again. These six weeks off, have been anything but great!
Thankfully, the healing period is done. I am back and will be getting myself stronger than ever in anticipation of Cape Town in december. Today, as I mentioned, I am back on set. Nothing would make me happier than to tell you guys the project I am working on...it is quite simply the best job I have ever done. The sort of job, and I say this with no exaggeration, that if I do nothing else in my life, I could probably die a happy man! Today I hope to be immortalised. Yep, thats right...I said immortalised! I have signed a number of non-disclosures preventing me from going in to any detail, but Im hoping in about a month, all will be revealed and I won't need to say a damn word! The truth is, yes, I would love to shout from the rooftops what Im working on today, but for now, the personal satisfaction is more than enough. My hope is that I can take the energy of the next two days and dive straight back into this world next week.
When bad stuff happens in life, I feel it is in our nature, as humans, to look at ways in which we can change ourselves to prevent the negative existing. When you get a setback in my industry, it can be very easy to spiral downward; to allow that negativity to cloud your judgement and what it really is that you want out of life. My judgement will never be clouded. I know what I am meant to do with my life...at least I believe I do...and I will not stop until I have realised my dreams.
